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gonna post sum jokes fr talkingcock.com, i dun own any of e material. sum of e jokes may be racist or political, by continuing to read, u agree dat u wil not be offended by e following material. enjoy!

Sun Exploration

Four delegates from China, Russia, the United States and Malaysia attended the United Nations' Meeting. All the nations were discussing about space exploration by the year 2000. Here are some of the conversations:

China Delegate: 'By the year 2000, China will start their moon exploration project. '

Russian Delegate: ' We too, we are going to explore the moon. This time we will see to it that our cosmonauts will step on the moon.'

Bill Clinton: ' We the United States will also explore the moon for second time.'

Malaysian Delegate: 'By the year 2000, Malaysia will explore the sun.'

There was a long silence, Bill Clinton stood up and asked the Malaysia Delegate: ' Isn't it too hot to explore the sun?'

Malaysian Delegate (smiling): 'I had this thought out already. We will do it in the evening.'

One Of A Kind

Mahathir was so disappointed with his cabinet for being inefficient and corrupt that he decided to call on Goh Chok Tong and ask him how he managed to have such an efficient and uncorruptable cabinet.

On hearing Mahathir's woes, PM Goh said, 'Simple, Mahathir, I choose able men for my cabinet. ' Mahathir asked, 'Yes, but how do you know that they are able?' PM Goh replied, Just ask them simple questions to test their intelligence. They don't need to be too difficult. Let me illustrate to you.'

Just then, Tony Tan was walking by, PM Goh called out to him, 'Hey Tony, come over here.' Tony obediently walked briskly over. PM Goh asked, 'Tell me, Tony, who is your father's son ?'

Tony Tan immediately replied, 'Me! Of course.' PM Goh turned to Mahathir and said, 'See, all my ministers can answer this question. Why don't you go back and try.' Mahathir thank PM Goh and left.

Once he was back, he immediately summoned Anwar, his deputy, and shot the question at him, 'Tell me, Anwar, who is your father's son ?' Anwar was shocked beyond words and did not know the answer

After a while, he recovered and said, 'Boss, let me find out and I'll tell you tomorrow.' Mahathir, a bit disappointed, agreed, hoping that Anwar will give a good answer tomorrow.

Meanwhile, Anwar was panicking that his boss was testing him. He tried desperately to find out the answer from his staff, but none of them knew the answer. The next morning, he decided to call Bill Clinton for help.

Surely the most powerful person in the world must know the answer. When Bill picked up the phone, Anwar said, 'Hello, Bill, can I ask you a question?' Clinton, very busy, replied, 'Alright, but it better be good!' Anwar quickly asked, Tell me, who is your father's son ?'

Clinton was fuming, 'Of course its me, you stupid!' and he slammed the phone down

Satisfied that he got the answer, he confidently walked into Mahathir's office and said, 'Boss, I've got the answer to your question.'

Mahathir, happy that his deputy wasn't that dumb, said, 'So tell me quick, who is your father's son, Anwar?' Anwar confidently replied, 'It''s BILL CLINTON!'

Mahathir slapped his own forehead in disgust and said, No you stupid! It's TONY TAN!'

In Singapore, the majority of us live in Highly Dangerous Buildings (HDB),
And most people have already got used to Paying and Paying (PAP).
Not only do you have to pay, you Pay Until Bankrupt (PUB).
If that's not enough, somebody still Purposely Wants to Dig (PWD) and get more from you.
So what more can you do when you are in the Money Only Environment (MOE)?
With the current Mad Accounting System (MAS), you are forced to Pay the Sum Ahead (PSA),
Which will leave some people Permanently Owing Some Banks (POSB).
And forced to live on the Loan Techniques Always (LTA) system.
When you fall sick and happen to be admitted to a Money Operating Hospital(MOH),
You might be able to use your Cash Prior to Funeral (CPF) fund.
If you are out of luck, you may meet doctors who Never Use Heart (NUH) to treat you,
And you will be Sure to Give up Hope (SGH).
To help ease the traffic, motorists have to pay Cash On Expressway (COE).
If that doesn't help, they can always Eternally Raise Prices (ERP) on the roads.
If you don't own a car, you can always make a Mad Rush to the Train (MRT),
OR get squashed in a bus Side By Side (SBS).
Lastly, under all these pressures, there are not many places we can relax,
Not even the good old place we used to go because it has become
So Expensive and Nothing To See Actually (SENTOSA)!!!

Miss Singapore

One of the main reasons why in recent years the Singapore Government has always ensured that their Miss Universe representative were of tertiary level education or higher was because of the following incident which occurred not too many years ago. It is the final round of the Miss Universe Pageant and the 3 finalists, Miss USA, Miss Malaysia and Miss Singapore are being asked 3 simple questions:

MC: The first question is name me an electrical appliance starting with "L"

Miss USA: Lamp

Miss Malaysia: Light bulb

Miss Singapore: LADIO

Judge: No, no, Radio does not start with the letter "L"

MC: I am going to give you 2 more chances; The next question is name me an animal starting with the letter "L"

Miss USA: Lion

Miss Malaysia: Leopard

Miss Singapore: LABBIT

Judge: No, no, no, Rabbit does not start with the letter "L"

MC: I am going to give you one last chance, if you answer this question
incorrectly, you are disqualified.

Name me a fruit starting with the letter "L"

Miss USA: Lemon

Miss Malaysia: Lychee

Miss Singapore, with full of confidence, smiles and says: LIEWLIAN !

This is not the end of the story, the Judge consulted the board of judges to determine if Miss Singapore should really disqualified; and they decided that since Miss Singapore was having as many problems with the letter "L", the decided to give her another chance.

Judge: OK, the final question is name me a human anatomy starting with the letter "L"

Miss USA: Lung (applause)

Miss Malaysia: Liver (even more applause)

Miss Singapore: LAN CHEOW !

Judge: ?????????!!!!

Ah Soh Joke

Ah Soh is filling up an application form for a job.

She supplied the information for the columns on Name, Age, Address etc.

Then she comes to column on "Salary Expected"

She is not sure of the question.

After much thought, she writes " Yes "

Beat This! (Contributed by MJ)

A Mat, who was in Primary 3, came home from school one day and asked his father, "Bapak, today in school, me and friends had competisen, see who's cock the biggest, lah. My cock bigger than all, lah. Why ah? Because I melayu, issit?

The father sighed and looked at him and said, "No,lah. Because you're eighteen years old."

You're Fried (Contributed by ZJ Chen)

A British soldier, a Chinese soldier and a Malay soldier were running away from a group of Japanese soldiers and came to a deserted warehouse.

The British saw some gunny sacks and thought that the they had no choice but to hide using the gunny sacks. So the three of them hid in the gunny sack and soon the Japs came into the warehouse.

The commander saw three suspicious looking sacks, went up to the first one with the Briton hiding in it and kicked it. The quick thinking Briton cried, "Meow, meow!"

The Jap commander, thinking it was only a cat, went to the other with the Chinese inside, gave it a kick, and the Chinese cried, "Woof, woof!"

Again, the Jap commander was tricked and moved on to the third, gave it a kick, at which the Malay cried out, "Potato, potato!"

What is the study of young bhais?
Microbhailogy.

What was Mrs. Singh called when she acted in a porno movie?
Hard Kaur!

What was Mrs. Singh called when she joined a Cantonese criminal gang?
Dai Kaur!

What do you call a Bhai doctor?
Tantock Singh!

What do you call a Bhai in shock?
Surpri Singh!

What do you call an idle Bhai?
Relac Singh!

What do you call a Bhai who keeps turning round in circles?
Pu Singh (pusing/headache)

What do you call a Bhai who's lost?
Mis Singh!

What do you call a unique Bhai?
Justwan Singh!

What do you call a Bhai who likes Chinese herbs?
Gin Singh!

What do you call a Bhai on a tightrope?
Balan Singh!

Just Passing Through

A Sikh was on his way to Khalsa Club when he decided to take a short-cut through somebody's garden. The owner comes out angrily:
Owner: Hey, do you know you are trespassing?
Sikh: No, I'm Jaspar Singh.

How Singapore Got Its Name

When Raffles sailed up the Singapore River for the first time, he saw a Malay woman taking a bath in the river. She had left her clothes on the river bank. As Raffles sailed by, he saw a bhai sneak up and steal her clothes. The upset woman started shouting after the thief, "Singh kapoh! Singh kapoh!"

Please, show some... what is that thing called?

An American tourist was visiting a temple in Singapore when he noticed two statues of a man and a woman by the altar.

He asked the monk what was the significance of the two. The monk explained that in the Chinese system of yin and yang, positives must always be balanced by negatives, and having the two statues ensured that the universal balance was maintained.

"This statue of the woman is the Goddess of Mercy, Kuan-Yin."

"What about the other one?" asked the tourist.

In a hushed voice, the monk said, "This one is the God of No Mercy, Kuan-Yew."

How about N.A.I.R.? (Contributed by Swee Tong)

No alcohol, I resign.

What does D.E.V.A.N stand for? (Contributed by Swee Tong)

Don't ever vote another Nair

Starting Young

One day, 4 babies were born at K.K. Hospital: a German, a Jewish, a Filipino and a Singaporean.

However, someone mixed up the babies by mistake, and the nurses couldn't differentiate between them.

However, the head sister had a bright idea. She lined the babies up in front of her and exclaimed, "Heil Hitler!"

At hearing this, the German baby raised his arm in a salute, while the Jewish baby soiled his diapers. In the meantime, the Singaporean baby turned to the Filipino baby and said, "Clean that up!"

Quote 2 remember: tell me, what exactly is the function of a rubber duck?

~thx 4 reading!~