about me

somebody have mercy on me. somebody sovereign, with great power and authority, look at me, have pity, and be merciful towards me. this is terrible.

yeesh. my end of year results are horrible. i'm not going to kill myself (duh), and neither am i going to mutilate myself (no, that would be ironic when compared to my PBL topic, and i wouldn condone it either. and may i remind u that i am deathly afraid of all forms of physical pain?), but i cant help feeling sorry for myself, if u can understand what i mean.

no, i'm not going to give u a breakdown of all my marks. i'll do that some other time, when all the marks are confirmed and i have truly broken through the wall of denial. it hasnt come down yet. since e moment i received e results, i've just been kinda numb. not reali in a trance, i just cant feel anything yet. when i do get upset (which i will), it'll probably be at night and hopefully not in anybody else's presence (assuming that my siblings have gone to sleep).

i am complaining to anyone who will listen. this sucks. i would say that "life sucks", like some sort of emo teenager, but i'm not emo. (i'm not reali emotional, but when i get sad it usually seems pretty bleak out there.) nope, life doesnt suck. its just weird and not very fair, but it still has its good points.

take for example, e fact that i got 23/30 for my eng compo!!! woots! now that is good. remember my super chim expository on family? e teacher ticked every paragraph, didn make a single note on it at all, and gave it a 23. now that, is good. and my situational writing, which i thought i would do badly for? i got a 22. that is a great reason to praise God! :D

what this all boils down to, is that no matter what happens, i'll always have me, my faith and God. and that's what counts right? *nods solemnly like how i always nod whenever e pastor says sth that makes sense*

i was reading "The Da Vinci Deception" (even though i really dont see what's so evil abt e "Da Vinci Code" - "It lies about God! And it claims to be based on real historical documents!" "Yeah, but its fiction!" - yeesh, adults.), and i came across this analogy.
"Understandably, when Thomas asked Jesus, 'How do we know the way?' he received this clear answer: 'I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me' (John 14:6). A tourist walking across a desert asked a guide, 'Where is the path?' to which the guide replied, 'I am the path.' "

that makes a lot of sense to me, its like saying, "There's no path, but follow me, and I will lead you the right way, to where you want to go." i'll repeat it for you, the tour guide, Jesus, said, "I am the path. I will lead you. Trust in me." i know that someday i want to have a great job that will require me to use English extensively in speech or writing. even though through this round of exams, i may not have been the best student in the cohort, i will trust in Jesus to lead me to where i will be, to whatever career path i will take.

here's another testimony. i went to e toilet in my mom's room just now, and i saw "Our Daily Bread", a devotional book that my mom reads in e bathroom. i read today's entry, and nothing reali struck me. but then i read this, "Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things, and revive me in Your way. Psalm 119:37." that is reali powerful! i should stop thinking about my exam results, which are worthless now that e exams are in over, and focus on God instead. Amen.

yup, my conviction stays strong. as long as i have God, my faith and myself, i'll be more than a conqueror through Him who gives me strength. Romans 8:37-39. No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Phillipians 4:13 - I can do everything through him who give me strength. Amen!

Random fact: I am deathly afraid to watch horror movies because I can never stand the graphics and images that haunt my mind over and over for weeks after seeing them, especially at night. It's absolutely horrifying.

Quote 2 remember: Real love stories never have endings.

~thx 4 reading!~